The Gretchen Wieners Award for Trying to Make a Word Happen: NeNe (Atlanta)
This week we got our first glimpse of boun'cing ba'by Bri'Asia, the adorable daughter of NeNe's wayward son Bryson. And since Bri'Asia is Bryson's daughter, that makes NeNe her grandmother, right? Not so fast! Never one to miss an opportunity for a potentially lucrative branding moment, NeNe dubs herself a "glam-mother" or "glamma," thus making Bri'Asia her "glambaby." NeNe spends the rest of the hour working overtime to make "glamma" happen, presumably in the hopes that it will end up bedazzled on some tacky ShopByBravo.com merchandise like the "I'm Very Rich" tote and "Bloop Bloop" tee she shamelessly brandishes in front of the camera later in the episode.
The Michelle Tanner Award for Littlest Ballbuster: Riley (Atlanta)
Kandi and Todd enjoy some quality kitchen time with Riley, adorably sporting a t-shirt emblazoned with Kanye West's memorable guest lyric from Beyoncé's "Party" ("Got the swag sauce I'm dripping swagu"). Kandi starts quizzing Riley about how she felt when Todd first starting hanging around the house, and Riley quietly says she was in the middle. "Middle before I came around?" Todd asks. Then, suddenly possessed by the spirit of Isabel Sanford, Riley puts her hand on her hip and sasses, "Middle after you came around!" Fixing her sitcom-perfect gaze on Kandi, she snaps, "You started dating him, a month later he was in my house!" When Kandi explains she'd actually been dating Todd for a few months before introducing him to Riley because she didn't want to hear Riley say, "He ain't gonna last!" ("That's cuz they don't!" Riley added), she flew into a betrayed rage and claimed she would get Kandi back by secretly dating lots of boys at her school socials.
Reaction Shot of the Week: Kandi (Atlanta)
This is the face Kandi made when Porsha casually revealed she and Kordell don't have a prenup. Kandi sensibly explains the logic behind getting a prenup no matter how much you love your spouse; Porsha responds by quoting a nonexistent Bible verse about marriage being forever, and then correctly but inappropriately quoting the "Just give me my name!" scene from the Ike and Tina Turner divorce settlement scene in What's Love Got To Do With It. Incidentally, I'd also like to think this is the face Kandi made when Krazy Putty Kenya (who's really on a roll) claimed people mistake her for Beyoncé on a daily basis and 100 people stood in line to get pictures with her at Obama's inauguration. It's certainly the face I made.
The Maury Povich Award for Finding Out Personal Shit in Bad Ways: TIE — Brandi (Beverly Hills) and NeNe
When Brandi had her sit-down confrontation with Scheana during that mind-bending grey zone where The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills seamlessly morphed into Vanderpump Rules (which we shan't discuss unless Sur becomes a catering service and the show gradually turns into Party Down), Brandi revealed she didn't know her ex-husband Eddie Cibrian had been having a two-year affair with Scheana until that Express-wearing tramp went on national television to complain that Eddie had left her for Leann Rimes — which, of course, was the same heartache Brandi was already experiencing as Eddie's wife and the mother of his two children. Meanwhile in Atlanta, NeNe had no idea she was going to become a "glamma" until she ran into the baby mama in public — and found out she was already six months pregnant with Bryson's child. Who got the rawer deal?
The Egg Fart Award for Most Lingering Stench: Faye (Beverly Hills)
Beverly Hills picked back up just as Brandi was leaving Kyle's dinner party/ambush to get away from the Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick's vicious attacks. While Faye excused her own behavior by saying shit like, "You know I can't help but tell the truth," and patronized Lisa's defense of Brandi by calling it "sweet," Brandi had a breakdown on the front lawn as Kyle desperately attempted talking her into returning to the party so she could get more drama to transpire in her home. (Is there some kind of incentive bonus program for these women?) Brandi repeatedly attempts getting into her car and driving away, but somehow keeps ending up back on Kyle's lawn like the producers have her fitted with an electric dog collar.
The Oskar Schindler Award for Greatest Personal Sacrifice: Taylor (Beverly Hills)
We get our first direct reference to the late Russell Armstrong this season when Taylor gets a call from her lawyer about settling one of the Russell lawsuits. Taylor naturally wants to settle her late husband's legal affairs as quickly as possible, but is devastated when the lawyer tells her the plaintiff requested Taylor's wedding ring and two of her Hermès bags to pay the debt. It sounds almost comically diabolical to demand a widow's wedding ring as payment for a legal debt she inherited from her husband's suicide, and Taylor makes a very big show of what a heartbreaking sacrifice this will be for her. But let's not forget that Taylor spent the better part of last year "making it the world's business" (to quote Brandi at the S2 reunion) that her marriage was a harrowing nightmare of emotional and physical abuse, not to mention the widely reported culpability Taylor shared with Russell in his shady business dealings. If all you have to do to settle that massive debt is part with the wedding ring given to you by your abuser and a couple of bags, you're getting off pretty light.
Greatest Throw-to-Commercial Dialogue in History: Alisha the Clairvoyant (Beverly Hills)
"Later I’ll tell you the truth about what happened with Princess Diana because she told me."