You haven’t technically met him, but you’re pretty sure he’d just get you the way no one else could. You two would complement each other perfectly, and you’d laugh, oh, how you’d laugh. I’m talking, of course, about your TV boyfriend. We’ve all got them: one or two small-screen sweeties that, despite a few logistical snags, we’re dating—and it’s going great! What these character-based courtships lack in candlelit dinners and actual human interaction, they more than make up for in opportunities for self-discovery. Click on to receive the gift that keeps on giving and learn what your TV boyfriend says about you.
Ben Wyatt, Parks and RecreationYou are a seer. Finely attuned to the nuances of your surroundings, you pick up on more than most. The tilt of an eyebrow, the inflection of a voice, and the troublesome nature of an insinuation that your friend’s date might go powder her vagina mid-lunch are not lost on you. In Mr. Wyatt, you see someone who is equally receptive and with whom you could explore life’s tiny, oft-overlooked moments. You, like Ben, are sometimes a human disaster. You two would likely be very happy together—if you could ever pry him from my cold, dead hands.
Any of the Men on The Bachelor You are a modern-day diplomat. Just as Hillary Clinton does not see the world in terms of race or color, you do not see the world in terms of hair. Some might say you have a blind spot when it comes to hair. Like me, I might say that. Because what is going on with these boys’ ’dos. Your favorite ice cream flavor is mint chip.
Jeff Winger, CommunityOh, the vanity. If Jeff Winger is your TV boo, then chances are you are not taking this proposition as seriously as the rest of us. Shame on you. Sure, he’s handsome, witty, and has a law degree from an unaccredited university, but let’s be honest: he’s far too self-obsessed to offer the intimacy you crave. Unless, wait, that’s it! We’ve got your number, dear reader. If Jeff Winger is your TV beau, then it might be time to examine that bowling ball–sized fear of intimacy you’re carrying around in your purse, and determine whether it’s informing all of your romantic decisions or just this one. Yolo?
Adam Sackler, GirlsIf you are drawn to this peculiar man-boy with zero social graces, chances are you fall into one of two categories: you are either an equally raw force of nature and you feel his unfiltered and impassioned brand of candor would provide a much-needed counterbalance to your free-flowing “realness,” or you are a mystery unto yourself, flailing in your own bog of ambivalence, and his uninhibited authenticity strikes you as a real shot of life. I can’t tell you which one you are, but you’d be a great rodeo rider.
Nick Miller, New GirlNick Miller is, in almost every way that matters, a puppy. He’s barely house broken, he’s full of good intentions that will inevitably result in messes, he’s adorably scruffy, and he seems like he’d be perfectly content to run after a Frisbee in the park for as many times as you’re willing to throw one—except let’s replace “run,” “Frisbee,” and “park” with “walk,” “beer,” “kitchen.” If Nick is your TV sweetie, then you should consider a career in canine husbandry. If you think I mean that you should be a lady who marries dogs, over and over again, and somehow makes money through illicit channels in so doing, then let’s be friends.
Daniel Grayson, RevengeAh so, you like them loaded and pretty with not a lot going on upstairs. A shrewd approach. Clearly you like to have all the power in a relationship. You probably wear lipstick with aplomb and can stay upright in heels no matter the terrain. You like to go fishing in a figurative sense, but not in the literal one because it’s gross. Sometimes you fake a British accent. With whomever’s life savings you amass via your wily machinations throughout the years, you will become an oil tycoon, olive oil specifically, and you will introduce new household applications for this fragrant liquid gold that will alter the course of history.